On goes the search....

And I search and search for myself, as I am lost being a wife,being a mother,daughter,daughter-in-law,sister,sister-in-law, friend, colleague, partner, acquaintance, employer, employee, tenant,landlord in this huge world, but where am I,just a speck of dust?or am I just in me and this small world inside me?

Before tying knots!

It was the usual morning, dot 6:20 AM,she got up ,folded hands to pray, got ready and set for her usual brisk walk but something was different about the day, or was it the way she looked at the world differently that day.

She was greeted by her usual gang of friends who greeted her daily, the old Aunty who limped while walking, another Uncle who walked quite briskly and for long hours, he was always there walking before her and left the ground after her, the young teenager with the little dress and with an ipod who was always fast and she could never compete with her.The usual pairs of two men who would be discussing about their clients and stuff in office, the couple who never uttered a word to each friend,pair of aunties who spoke a lot to each other and kept taking breaks in between to finish their sentences and then was her all alone ananlysing her life and each day.

Usually when she used to walk, she would mutter gayatri mantra in her mind but today she decided to listen. It was a quiet day but she had decided to focus her ears around.For once she could hear the chirping of bird, the cawwing of crows,she also heard a whistle of a pressure cooker blow by,maybe the cooker had rice and dal for the kids for lunch. She also heard the trains hooing as tit crossed by.She wondered if she heard them every day as she never paid attention to these details. She then decided to pay attention to what she saw. She was suprised to come across different flowers which had varied and beautiful colours.She never knew that the garden had almost 25 different kinds of flowers. She was delighted. And then she saw him, he was in a red t-shirt and white shorts.There was something about him which made her stare at him. He was walking very fast and she could not keep the pace with him and lost him instantaneously. For a minute she thought it was all a dream and smiled to herself.

She went back home and gulped water down.She went to the balcony when Amma called her out and gave her a hot cup of tea. She smiled and took a sip and again the person in red shirt and white shorts was in her mind.She shook herself and thought what was wrong with her. How could she dream of a guy,when she is getting engaged in a weeks time!

She then got ready to go to office. As she was leaving, as any other day, she took her laptop bag in one shoulder and a tupperware lunch bag in another shoulder.She felt sorry for this image of hers, she felt as though she looked like an Indian Jawan with one gun on one shoulder and a bag on the other or even a house wife who goes for a shopping with a little one. They usually have a huge mommy bag in one hand and a bottle in the other hand.She wanted to reach the main gate soon so that  she could get inside the office cab and sit comfortably.She walked fast and as she reached near the gate, her heart skipped a beat, it was the same red t-shirt and white shorts man, but this time he was dressed differently. He was wearing a blue shirt and a black pant.he thought that he looked nice and neat. He also seemed to be waiting for a cab.She could not help but stare at him but that lasted for second as thankfully her cab arrived. She got in and tried to close the door but someone from outside tried to stope her. It was him again, she looked at him and he smiled and told her politely that was a new recruit and will be taking this office cab.She understood and went inside and sat in her place comfortably. The only place in the cab which had been always empty was the seat next to her and so he, red t-shorts turned to blue shirt sat next to her.

The distance to office, thanks to Bangalore traffic, took an hour and soon they started talking to each other. She understood that he had joined as Manager in Ops team, she herself being the HR head, knew that she will be meeting him more often.She was dying to ask whether he was married but thought it was too early to ask such a question.He then asked her about her personal life and that is when she realized that he was a bachelor.She was very happy to hear that but as she got down from the cab she realized that she was acting as a teenager. What was wrong with her and why was she behaving so weird.

As she went to her cabin, she requested for a strong cup of coffee from the office guy. The office guy was shocked as she never asked for coffee or tea in the morning, she always had one cup of tea in the evening.He quickly made the coffee the way she wanted and placed it in the table in her cabin.

She opened her laptop and started reading all mails.She first went through her assistants mails. Usually she used to send the new jojnees mail which would have been sent by her assistant to everyone but today for once she read the complete mail there she saw red shirts to blue shirts introductary mails. He had a good experience and was an ex-IITian.She was deeply impressed and sent the mail whole heartedly this time.She had a meeting at 9:30 and soon got engrossed preparing for it.

The meeting went off well very well. As usual, she was appreciated by the Global head for her efforts, and then the Global head introduced her to red shorts turned blue shirt and told her that she would be his guide in one specific project. He smiled at her and she was sure that the smile had a hidden agenda to it. He phone rang and she knew tha it was her fiancee ringing.She usually took these calls with excitement  but today she was turned off and greeted her fiancee with a boring Hi, a Hi which even turned him off. He said that he had booked a table for dinner tonight. She said she would be there and went off for the date unwilllingly

The next day she got up earlier than the previous day and made an effort to dres up before her walk. She used to wear her favourite beige shorts and brown t-shirt on a daily basis, but today she wore a yellow salwar kameez.She knew  that the attire fitted her well, and flaunted her curves. As she started walking, she was greeted by warm looks. Aunty even complimented that she looked different and beautiful. As she was taking round of the ground, he came in the same white shorts and red t-shirt. He looked handsome and smiled at her. It seemed that he had the same feelings which she felt. They started talking to each other and soon hit off well. They liked the same kind of books,movies and also had the same list of dream firms which they wanted to work in future

Suddenly out of the bolt he asked her out for dinner, she agreed immediatly. It was strange but there was something between them . She knew that the fiancee would call up for dinner, so she called him onceshe reached home and told him that she would be out tonight for a business meeting.

She took off for the day and went about pampering herself in her regular spa.Soon evening arrived and she was on time in the decided venue. She knew she looked beautiful. The red gown was just perfect.After spending the day in the spa she then went to the boutique to pick the red gown.It fit her well and knew that the lady boutique lady complimented her genuinely. She felt guilty that she never took so much pains to dress herself well to go with the fiancee, but today somewhere she wanted to go wild before the marriage. She knew she would never be able to have a fling after marriage as she also believed that marriages are for keeps. She felt guilty and excited at the same time and was ready to take the plunge.